A friendly message from Minnesota congresswoman regarding equal rights:

After reading the above statement, I wonder how someone with such extreme opinions can possibly be good for Minnesota, or for the country for that matter.  For years I have been itching for this country to elect a female into presidential office, but I am appalled by Ms. Bachmann's statement.  Not just because she is verbally attacking everything I personally believe in, but more so by the lack of empathy and compassion she has for the LGBTQ minority group when she herself is part of a minority group that has historically been oppressed and received unequal treatment.  I suppose in her WASP-ness she has failed to recognize the "radical" feminist viewpoints that were integrated into our patriarchal culture, and the rights that so many women fought for, in order for her to be able to serve in office today.  Instead of using her privilege to advocate for those who have been denied equal rights, she has chosen to perpetuate the stereotype that members of the LGBTQ community live "unnatural" lifestyles and work to recruit others into that lifestyle.  For me, Ms. Bachmann exhibits the characteristics of blind conformity, lack of original thought, and inability to empathize with those less privileged than herself.

Traditional Marriage = Traditional Injustice

While this is not an original opinion or post of mine, I LOVE this and have to share it (from http://unicornbooty.com/2011/06/a-brief-history-of-the-terrible-injustices-of-traditional-marriage/)

"A Brief History of the Terrible Injustices of Traditional Marriage"

by Kevin Farrell

The oft-quoted “traditional marriage” is exactly the way life should be and the cornerstone of society and kids need a mom and a dad and blah, blah, oh my God, BLAH.

But what about the fact that traditional marriage is hardly the unwavering and universally defined construct that conservatives and religious zealots claim it to be?

What about the fact that the actual traditions in traditional marriage have at times included a husband owning his wife as property, legal marital rape, and the whole shebang only being an option for whites? Would those who fight against the right of LGBT Americans to wed their partners also still defend a husband’s right to rape his wife or seek to reinstitute a permission slip for when blacks seek to marry?

Today’s infographic is brief, but poignant and powerful.

Just whose traditions really deserve to be considered “traditional”, anyway?

Respecting our Parents despite their Disrespect

On this Father’s Day, I would like to blog about something very close to my heart.  My intention is to avoid being too personal in my blogs, but this is an issue that is best discussed on a personal level.

My partner told her father about our relationship last night.  She told him that we deeply care for each other, that I am a kind person who comes from a nice family, and that I make her very happy.   I thought these were the things that parents wanted for their children.  His response was that, as long as she chooses to live “like this,” she will never be happy and will never find a lifelong partner.  This, of course, devastated her, was incredibly hurtful, and caused her to start worrying that he may actually be right.

We are taught to honor and respect our parents, but at what point does this value become obsolete?  Surely we are not meant to continue honoring and respecting our parents in the face of constant discouragement and lack of acceptance.  Surely we are not meant to keep going back to the whipping post and continue in a relationship that is so unhealthy and masochistic.  Yet because of the ties we have with our parents, and because of the honor and respect we are taught to uphold, we do keep going back.  Despite the tears and the emotional pain, we hold out hope that one day they will understand and accept us.

Just recently I wrote about the importance of dialogue, but what happens when dialogue does not absolve the ignorance of some?  Where do we get the strength to continue dialogues with the non-affirming people in our lives?  How much dialogue is necessary before their love becomes based on an acceptance of who we are instead of whether we live a life of which they approve?

I suppose my hope stays alive because I truly believe that, for sexual and gender minorities, things are getting better and will continue getting better.  Maybe not in the ways we desire the most.  Maybe not with all of the people in our lives – our parents, family, friends, co-workers, colleagues – but there are other networks of support out there and when the family we were born into fails us, we can lean on the affirming family we create for ourselves.

The only dumb question is the question you don't ask

I just discovered this really awesome website - nodumbquestions.org.  The website serves as a forum for people to post LGBTQ-related questions, and others can post their answers or share their own story.  Watching videos of people sharing their stories was my favorite part of the site, and is very similar to watching It Gets Better videos.  This website initiated from the film, No Dumb Questions, which has been used as a tool to spark dialogue among families, in the workplace and school settings, and within religious communities.  The film can be viewed for free at www.nodumbquestions.com and it can also be purchased.

I am excited to have stumbled upon this site because it reminds me of the importance of open dialogue.  Many topics are considered taboo in society and there is not enough encouragement to discuss things that we do not understand or that make us feel uncomfortable.  I recently had an hour long discussion with several friends and acquaintances in which they asked me a variety of questions related to LGBTQ issues.  Questions ranged from "do you have to be transgender to be gay" to "is sexual orientation more biological or more related to the environment," to "did you always know you were a lesbian," etc.  While I am not comfortable being the center of attention, I am thankful that these individuals felt comfortable enough to ask their questions.  The only way we are able to understand the path that another walks is to allow them to paint a picture of that path through dialogue.  If you know someone who is LGBTQ – a friend, family member, co-worker, classmate – start a dialogue with them (in a respectful manner of course).  If you have questions – ASK.  This will be more beneficial to you (and to them) than you realize.

Tolerance does not equal acceptance

Just discovered this site: www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com

This site has some really good information about all kinds of topics, not just LGBTQ stuff, but I in particular wanted to share a portion of the following article posted on this site as a follow-up to my previous entry.

I Do Not Deserve Your Tolerance

by David Badash on January 13, 2009

"I am an American citizen. I pay taxes. I vote. I have a passport. I volunteer my time and voice and donate money to charities or causes I believe in. I have a college degree from a pretty good school. For most of the time since I was fifteen I have worked, often 60 — 80 hours a week. I am in a committed relationship. I try to call my mother a few times a week. I hold the door open for anyone in front of or behind me. I’m generally the last one out of the elevator. I’ve contacted my local government when I believed something needed improvement. I have good, long-​term friendships. I’ve given money to friends who needed help. I’ve worked to help people I know who were in crisis get through the next day. I’ve sat on the phone for hours with people who were depressed. I have a dog, the second one I’ve rescued from a shelter. I feed and walk him, a lot. I pick up after him, every time. I have never been arrested. I am financially self-​sufficient. I have an apartment. I have homeowners’ insurance. When I needed a car for work I got one, kept it in good shape, kept it insured. I try to eat well and take care of myself physically and mentally. I always bring a gift to a host or hostess when I am invited into their home. I say “please,” “thank you,” and, too often I’m told, “I’m sorry.” I sometimes go into the recycling bins and re-​sort them when my neighbors mix paper and plastic. I always leave a good tip, usually more than 20%. I don’t yell at waiters or waitresses, though I have yelled at drivers who run red lights. I keep my TV and music at a reasonable level, especially late at night so I don’t disturb my neighbors. I’ve installed dimmers in my home to conserve electricity. I have a checking and a savings account. I have an excellent credit rating. I backup my computer. I buy extended warranties on expensive electronics. I keep my home reasonably clean. I keep abreast of current events. When disagreeing with someone, I try to remain civil and respectful. I take my dog to the dog park several times a week. I try to validate my friend’s feelings and listen to their thoughts openly. Although it’s hard for me to say this, I’m pretty certain I will have left somewhat of a positive impact on the world by the time I’m gone. I scattered my father’s ashes where he wanted me to. I flew with my family to attend my grandmother’s funeral. I was captain of the safety patrol in sixth grade. I was president of the theatre society in high school. I wrote to my congressmen to help save the dolphins from tuna fishermen when I was a boy. I want to get married. I can’t, because I’m gay.

I grew up feeling sad and different and sometimes ashamed.

I no longer am sad, I’m glad I’m different, and I’ll be damned if I’ll ever be ashamed of who I am or what I believe. Because what I believe is that we are all the same. We are all equal. We all deserve to love and have our love recognized.

I think I’m a pretty good person. I know I’m as good as anyone else. I have done little enough wrong to deserve your forgiveness. I’ve done nothing that deserves your pity. And I know that I am good enough to not deserve your tolerance.

Tolerance is for someone who doesn’t know better, like my dog who likes to jump on people. Tolerance is for someone whose views negatively impact your life, like people who want to stop me from loving the man I love, with all my heart. I do not want your tolerance. I do not deserve your tolerance. I will not accept your tolerance, any longer. What I will do is my best to ensure that we are all given equality and the legal right to love and marry the person who loves us back. From now on I will tolerate nothing less."

Thank you, David Badash, for writing and sharing this.  I feel stronger and more inspired because of it.

Anniversary of Loving v. Virginia

I wanted to share with you an email I received from the American Foundation for Equal Rights (www.afer.org), in honor of the anniversary of a court decision that finally made interracial marriages legal.  It is especially significant to remember this case since Prop 8 is being debated and challenged in court once again on Monday.

"This Sunday, we celebrate the 44th anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, the Supreme Court’s decision that struck down laws that forbade African Americans and whites from marrying.
The Loving decision was a watershed moment in the civil rights movement, and has deep implications today for gay and lesbian couples who want nothing more than the freedom to marry.
To commemorate this anniversary, AFER’s co-counsel in the Prop. 8 case, Ted Olson and David Boies, recorded a special message. They talk about how the Loving case set an important precedent for the current fight for marriage equality.
I hope you’ll watch this video and share it with your family and friends.

http://www.afer.org/media/videos/loving-and-marriage-equality/

This year, the timing of this anniversary holds special significance. It comes the day before AFER’s attorneys return to district court to address a dangerous motion by the other side to throw out the decision that ruled Prop. 8 unconstitutional.
In the Loving decision, a unanimous court held that marriage is “one of the basic civil rights of man…fundamental to our very existence and survival.”
Today, we look at anti-miscegenation laws as a stain on our history and an affront to our beliefs as Americans. In this country, we do not create separate classes of Americans based upon inherent characteristics. Sexual orientation is immutable and unchangeable. It is as much a part of our DNA as our race.
Because I have spent my life fighting to make ours a more just society for all Americans, I’m a supporter of marriage equality. I believe this to be a fight for civil rights.
Mildred and Richard Loving were not political people—they were a committed couple who believed they should have the same ability to share their lives together, just as their neighbors did.
Kris Perry & Sandy Stier and Paul Katami & Jeff Zarrillo, the plaintiffs in Perry v. Brown, are no different. They want to be married. There is nothing in the world they want more, and as Americans, we owe them nothing less.
As Mildred Loving said four years ago, “That’s what Loving [v. Virginia], and loving [each other], are all about.”
And that is why Proposition 8 must not stand."

Proposition 8 is one of the many ways that society denies privileges to LGBTQ individuals that are afforded to straight individuals. Why am I calling marriage a "privilege?" Because with marriage comes legal recognition and therefore protection by the court system related to the following: 1) division of assets in the event of separation or divorce, 2) allowance to make medical decisions on behalf of your partner or child in the event of terminal illness or death, 3) the ability to have your partner and children on your health insurance, 4) recognition of both you and your partner as legal guardians to the children you conceived or adopted, etc. Heterosexual privilege exists - just as white privilege and male privilege exist.

Many sexual and gender minority couples across the country are fighting for the right to marry.  Many heterosexuals (thought certainly not all of them) are not involved in this fight because their rights are not affected.  One time a professor and I pondered the question "how do you make someone care about something that does not directly affect them?"  The conclusion we came to was this - you take the issue at hand and find a way to make it personal to them.  Therefore, I will get personal for a moment.

As I contemplate my future with my partner, I think about things that most couples think about: Will we get married?  Will we have children?  What will our life be like together?  For many people, there is what seems to be the inherent desire to stand in front of the people who mean the most to them and pledge their love and commitment to the person they have given their heart to.  This has been on my mind more and more lately.  Sure I could have a commitment ceremony with my partner that resembles a wedding between a straight couple in every way but one - at the end of the ceremony my partner and I are given no consideration by the law or society.  I will admit it is hurtful for others to say that my form of love or relationship is not legitimate or natural and therefore does not deserve recognition.  Why does the love between LGBTQ individuals not deserve the privileges afforded to straight couples?  Doesn't love = love regardless of its presentation?  Essentially, society's message to LGBTQ individuals has been that, in order to receive the same privileges as heterosexuals, you must become one - in other words, you must conform.

Part of the equal rights movement is standing up and saying that we will not conform.  Instead, we will continue to fight until society recognizes LGBTQ individuals in the same way that heterosexual individuals are recognized.  Let's hope Monday becomes a success for California, and for the equal rights movement at large.

In the beginning....

I am one of those people who typically has a negative reaction to blogs, and views them as a waste of time - an activity for indulgent individuals who feel the need to write about themselves and put their private thoughts out there for the world to see.  As I'm typing my very first post, I am in the process of acknowledging how hypocritical that viewpoint has been.

The idea to start this blog came from a series of LGBTQ-related status updates and wall postings on my Facebook page.  There is so much I want to share with others about the LGBTQ population, but I have realized Facebook is not the best method for doing so.  Status updates can only contain so many characters, and I am aspiring to reach a larger crowd than my Facebook friends.

That being said, I hope you will find the content of this blog educational, informative, and thought-inspiring.  Many people do not have an adequate understanding of the issues faced by the LGBTQ population simply because they have not had to spend a day in the life of someone who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, two-spirited, intersex, queer, or questioning.  But, if you take the time to consider it, I'm sure many of you know someone who does identify as a sexual or gender minority.  I encourage you to be open with that person and start a dialogue with them about ways their life is similar to and different from your own.  There is much we can learn from each other.